Let the Sun Shine

I forget that it's OK not to worry. Somewhere along the way in life, I got the idea that if I worried about all the bad things that could happen I could somehow prevent them from happening. I also got the idea that if I wasn't worried about something, it was a guarantee that something bad would happen. So I worried as a preventive measure. I also refused to enjoy anything too much. Enjoying something was a sure fire way to make something bad happen. Stare blissfully at the waves of the ocean while on vacation? Ooops. Better not get too relaxed. You just have to go back to work next week. Gaze with amazement while one of my babies slept? Stop it. She could get a terrible disease and die and you won't get to see her grow up. Breathe in that wonderful new car smell as you drive off the lot? Don't do it. You could lose your job next week and not be able to make the car payments. It was like always having a black cloud over my head. It was the "if I worry enough about something I can prevent it from happening" cloud. Or, maybe it was the "if I don't enjoy this very much it won't hurt so much when I lose it" cloud. I had a huge expectation that things would go wrong. I was the epitome of that expression "I feel like there's a black cloud over my head."

The funny part of it is that, of course, none of this was true. Worrying about whether something bad will happen doesn't prevent it. And, enjoying something can't make something bad happen. Being on high alert for the bad in things just makes you anxious, depressed, and not able to function at the capacity of which you're able. It means you can't be fully present for your job, your family, your relationships, or, most importantly, yourself.

Now I've learned that letting the sun shine around my black cloud is not only OK, it can actually make the dark clouds disappear. Sure, bad things are going to happen. There will be times when there are dark clouds in your life, but when they're not there, enjoy it. Don't worry about when the next storm will come. When I feel those clouds appearing without good reason, I literally start to visualize how it looks when the sun begins to peak out after a storm. I imagine the warmth and beauty of a pretty day and I let the sun shine into my jittery life.